ESSAY // SALOME SIBONEX ON FIGHTING THE FATES
Notes on fear, self-censorship, and artistic integrity
By Salomé Sibonex
EXCERPT //
Living with Lachesis: What is a long life without true character?
Fate and fear are close cousins; tell me your fears and I’ll tell you your fate. When you know public punishment is the price for questioning some ideas, only your character or a fear of something worse can help you face it. As the rot that drove the viciousness of people who said they were acting in the name of “antiracism” became clear, so did the fact that the ideas I once argued for were never truly mine. What was mine was the fear and naivety that caused me to hide behind them.
There’s a version of my story that never changed course. I would’ve gotten better at writing essays that showcase how far words and ideas can be twisted to arrive at predetermined conclusions. That story was struck from the possible stories of my life in the heat of 2020’s George Floyd-inspired riots. I finally merged my public words with my private thoughts, though it meant social death at the time. As I watched people destroy the local businesses of innocent people, and well-meaning protesters and counter-protesters get attacked in the chaos started by a few, I published my simple observation online: Making excuses for other people’s terrible behavior because of their social grievances hurts them and their society. To most people, this statement was uncontroversial; among my peers and the art industry, it was a blasphemous battle cry. I still remember the overwhelming mix of my sweaty hands, the anticipation of insults, and a new feeling that offset all the negativity—a taste of freedom from fear. I still get sweaty hands and anticipate insults when I speak honestly on topics I once would’ve espoused the safe answer to, but once you’ve felt the difference between free-expression and fear-expression, the latter is never again as comforting.
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